Deadpool's Magical Adventure
by JokerMagnum55
Summary: Deadpool helps link save Hyrule. Made in the authors eighth grade year, lots of crack is abound!


**Here s a little story about this fanfic...**

**I wrote this in the Eighth grade for an English project. Basically, our teacher told us that we can make up any kind of story we wanted to, we just had to add some vocabulary words we were studying.**

**Good lord... I was in such a rush to get this done when I wrote it... it's pretty bad in my opinion...**

**So i thought, why not post this on fanfiction to see if this actually fares well as a fanfic. Probably not.**

**Anyways, this is the fully original , unedited version of it (Except the names... for obvious reasons...you can tell if it's edited if it has two * surrounding it) so i hope you enjoy!**

**Who knows... maybe someday i'll we write this to something bigger.**

**-Jokermagnum55**

* * *

Deadpool's magical adventure!

By: *Billy Mays*

(I'm sleeping in my apartment with a newspaper on my face, with out my mask on)Zzzz;.*snore* UH! Hoh! Oh hi! Didn't see you there! (I turn away and grab my mask before you can see my face) Or rather… didn't… read you? It's hard for me to describe how I know you're their in a typed vocabulary homework….Anyways, my name's Deadpool, the lovable Merc with a mouth! I'm about 25 years of age and wearing a red ninja suit with black stripes on my face! I am what some of you might call, Insane, Burned to the point of me being very deficient of hair on my head. And apparently I have a short attention span…but I will tell you that … Oh! A chimichanga! *Munch* Anyways… where was I? Oh yeah! I'm a mercenary for hire also! These (points to my guns on my side holsters) are my doorknobs! There really helpful for my job (very accessible in certain situations too)!

Today I am going to tell you about the time when I went to a magical land to help obliterate a regal tyrant! It all started like this….: "Oh! A penny!" I bent down to the ground to grab the shiny copper coin, when somebody grabbed me by the back and lifted me up. "Excuse me, are you Deadpool" the person said in a cool voice, to which I have a great affection for (Wish I had a voice like his), to which I replied "yes! I am the legendary Merc with a mouth Deadpool! What services can I help you with?" followed by a very liberal back twist (my back still feels like it's constricted around a pole… Ow…), to which I see the face of the person, to which I petrify at the sight of it! To be descriptive about it in an analogy… it's like looking at a shadow and seeing that it looks like a goat… and then in the adjacent space next to it it's actually a ram… which is to say, Dude looks like a chick! He had long blonde hair flowing down to his green tunic which has a little on the end, and then he was wearing some tight white pants under it and had a weird looking elf hat oh, he had pointy ears too. Anyways, as I'm observant of his looks to make sure that he is a "he" he goes on to ask me a favor. "Then can I ask you for a very important job for you to transact?" he said. "Yeah, what is it?" "Well… you see… I'm not from here… I'm from the last remnant of an ancient civilization that has died many years ago" "Oh that explains the elf ears. Sorry, can't help Santa at this year kid, I already got my own gifts to deliver to the naughty children…" "Wait! I need you to apprehend a tyrant where I'm from!" he yelled to me when I was about to grab the brown shiny from the ground. "I'm listening, just make it quick or else you owe me a penny" I retorted in a Sarcastic composition. "My home town of hyrule is under oppression from an omnipotent evil that has set his domicile my home by dominating my land. I tried to defeat him myself but… it seemed not sensible to go by myself so… I wish to enlist you to cooperate with me so I may emerge victorious in battle". I stood there for a few seconds to think about it, to which I answered it as calmly as I can. "OH BOY YEAH I WANNA JOIN! I GET TO HELP SAVE THE NORTH POLE FROM ITS CURRENT STATE WITH MY SPECIAL KIND OF SOLUTIONS! Err…. I mean…. I would like to help your proposition to run its course…. So is this regicide?" "Um…. In a way I suppose it is…." He replied to me in a shocked, quiet tone of voice.

"Okay, that's cool. So how do we go to the North Pole… um… what's your name?" I told him. He simply replied back to me "Link. And I'm not from the North Pole." "Okay then Link, so how do transit over to the North Pole?" I asked him. My question did not seem to compute with him. "Huh? I thought that… you would know how to get over their…." "…How did you get over here then, ya sissy?" I responded to him in a tone opposite of a sentimental one. "I was dropped off here by my friend using magic…. She said you would know how to get there …." "Oh yah sure, I would know how to get there, not to discredit myself, but I'm sure that my reputation doesn't include: randomly finds where he's going on accident. Actually….You know what, hold on to my body kid, that actually might work" "What?" "Just get on my body!" "Okay…." He constricted me rather tightly (A little too tight if I say so myself… Ow…), and I activated my experimental teleportation device on my belt that has a tendency to malfunction constantly, then we teleported in a flash to the North Pole… that was the intention. We ended up in some weird castle town. "Hey! Why does it have to malfunction know! I have to save Santa! " I yelled in a rage because if Santa's in trouble, saving him is, well, the sensible thing to do! Nobody likes Christmas without any presents! "I 'm not from the north pole…." My elf eared companion told me "and this also happens to be a small town in my homeland… the fortress of the tyrant isn't too far from here…I hope…" "What do you mean, "I hope"? I retorted "well… you see… I never actually took the time to find out where it was located at" "a heh heh…. SO YOUR TELLING ME YOU HIRED ME TO CONVICT SOMEONE OF BEING EVIL AND PUNISHING HIM WITH DEATH, YET YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS!?" "Uhh…" but then I heard a rumbling noise in my stomach, which made me calm down and tell him "never mind, just let me see a diagram of this place so I can buy myself some food… I'm hungry…." "… Fine… but it's not a smart I idea to go with out money, here, take this!" he handed me his homelands currency "um, okay then…. I'm going to look for some Mexican food."

I walked around this strange place, finding fish people, walking nuts, and a weird looking rock thing. I finally came to a smelling sensation… it smelt…. Incredibly sumptuous…I immediately ran towards the shop, doorknobs in my hand. I walked over and told him to hand over whatever he was making over. Instead, I got this "okay, I admit it! I'm a confidante on lord Gannon's plans to take over Hyrule! Here, take this map!" he then gave me a map and ran away. "I didn't even pull out my doorknobs… all well; I can have liberal amounts of the food he was making! Whoever decided to narrate the manuscript for this story is weird…." I said, to which me in present time narrating this story right know replied "Hey! You're not supposed to realize you're in a story! I'm telling the story, and then if you realize I'm narrating the story yourself it gets… confusing….." to which me being narrated being described right now tells present me "How about you leave me alone and I go back to work?" to which me in the present replies "Okay."

I looked around the shop and instead of the food I was looking for…. It was instead a suit of newly fortified armor, nice and shiny. "I'll take this then!" right when I was going to put that thing on, Santa's little "male" helper came in and told me like a twelve year old girl finding Justin Bieber in her bedroom "Perfect! This will really help us out to stop Gannon's reign!" he then puts it on, while I'm all grumpy and full of angst because I was going to put it on, and I was still hungry, which causes me to yell out "CAN WE JUST GET TO THE CASTLE NOW! I HAVE A MAP OF IT HERE!" to which Link grabs it and then tells me to follow him outside "*grumble* I'm still hungry…and, not to say your confidence is bad or anything, but… you're so sure of yourself that this plan is going to work yet you don't know where this guy lives huh? Talk about presumptuous confidence to the max…" I told him during the first long distance of our treacherous progression to the tyrant's castle "Anyways got any water? I'm parched….." "We only walked for about 12 minutes now!" my pointy eared friend replied to me. "Yeah, well its hot here!" "It's nearly night time, and the winds are blowing rather often" "Well I gotta pee" "can't argue with that…" so I went and did my business, and then we continued on with our journey.

When we reached the castle, we decided we would do a sneak attack. Well, link did, but I decided it was dumb. So I went through with it. Unfortunately, we got caught. Guess we shouldn't have come through the front door to sneak around. Our captors, large, fat pigs in black armor told us to "Drop your weapons in this box!"To which "These are doorknobs!" "Whatever just drops them in here!" So I dispense my doorknobs into the chest…. And then reached for my ballistic doorknobs hanging from the side. "I heard bullets taste just like chicken!" I then showed them my capacity of being awesome at guns by depositing projectile upon projectile into the fat portly recipients with great rapidity, each bullet hit one in succession, feeling great rapture all the way through. I think the message computed with them very well. It was quiet for a while, to which then link started telling me that "you seem very possessive of those items, I think I have to…" "NO! These things are invaluable in my creed! No touchy!" to which my needle ear ally just stood there and nodded his head in understanding.

"Now, where is our opponent you keep on talking about?" I told link, to which he replied "I believe he was observant of what just happened, and he is making his way through his dominion over to us right now…" and through a rather (in)convenient occurrence, we find who is behind this right in front of us…. And , to be honest, his looks confirm that he was behind it all he was a middle aged man with a black, gray armor, and he seemed to have a potent aura surrounding him… he was pretty scary "Welcome, to my castle! Prepare for your doom!" he yelled to us in a loud, scary, but hammy, voice. "Deadpool, get ready we have to…." At this point, how slow the events progressed to day was starting to annoy, so I just went ahead and shot the scary old guy in the head. It was rather anticlimactic, as it was pretty effortless and he just disintegrated "Deadpool… did you just" "Yes. Yes I did." "Me and my people are forever in your debt" "Okay, that's cool. Bye" I then teleported back to my apartment to watch some cartoons.

And that ends my story, pretty awesome, don't you think? Now anyways….YOUR GONNA GIVE AN "A" ON THIS RIGHT *EINHEIMER WEINERSHEIMER*?! *Billy Mays* HERE WORKED HARD ON THIS THING? AND IT SHOULD GET AN "A" RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE I'M IN IT! ...err I mean….. I hope you enjoyed reading about the funny, witty merc with a mouth know as me! Deadpool!

The end (thank goodness, because this thing was silly…)


End file.
